Maine loves tourists, we do, because they put money in the till and it’s fun to talk to people from elsewhere. Still, sometimes it’s hard to share this patch we call home.
With the arrival of our visitors, ever-resilient Mainers must adapt their behavior – and their words. So here is a glossary of tourism-inspired words, in no particular order. Go ahead. Express yourself.
• The Cahpahk: Interstate 295 from Portland to Brunswick during July and August.
• Bait Noire: A visitor who doesn’t wear bug repellent during black-fly season.
• Chum: A visitor who refuses to wear a life vest.
• Jamesbeard — Notorious 18th-century pirate who hid his ships in Maine’s coves and estuaries. Was known to be a helluva cook.
• Pogies: Pedestrians who fill the sidewalk and move as fast as a barnacle.
• Prowtsneck: An affliction blamed on too much rubbernecking at the scenery while driving.
• Moosemeat: A visitor who thinks it’s OK to drive 100 mph in Maine because how much enforcement could there be way out here?
• Moxie Falls: Stuff that dribbles out of tourists’ mouths when they try a certain soft drink for the first time.
• Clawfuls: Restaurant patrons who expect the waitstaff to intuit that they want a lobster.
• Bottom Feeders: Visitors who don’t tip.
• Pouts: Unhappy tourist children.
• The Gut: A diner who believes fish should only be served fried.
• Katahdin-din: A meal in a chef-owned restaurant.
• Kayyakkers: Paddlers who talk really, really loudly on rivers and lakes.
• Golden Diggers : People who admire Maine’s 2nd District congressman because they think he’s cute.
• Pisscataquick: A portapotty.
• Potty Mouths: People constantly asking where to find a rest room.
• Duck Point: What duck boat passengers do to Portland residents who are just walking down the street minding their own business. Or maybe we’re just paranoid.
• Duck Blind: Defense mechanism in Portlanders when duck boat passengers point at them.
• Speedo-philes: Visitors who won’t leave the beach.
• Sahdines: Cruise ship passengers.
• Wharf Rats: Visitors to the Old Port who get too drunk to walk on the cobblestones.
• Portland Head: Type of hangover experienced by Wharf Rats.
• Trail Hix: Hikers who wear flip-flops and don’t carry water.
• Smelts: Tourists who complete a hike on a hot day.
• All-A-Gash: The faces of hikers who get lost and decide to bushwhack.
• Meddy Bumps: Name for the welts after mosquitos have finished with a hiker who forgets the bug repellent.
• New Castle: That honkin’ big house the folks from away build on a lake and call a “camp.”
• Where’s Waldo?: Note to visitors: In Maine this is a serious question.
• Canon Fodder: A tourist dad who always keeps a camera around his neck.
• Canon Mudder: A tourist mom who always keeps a camera around her neck.
• Largemouth: A very loud visitor.
• Harlequin Duck: A gaudily dressed tourist.
• Puckheads: Visitors who make fun of Maine accents.
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