If you associate with some of the better people, you know that they seldom miss a chance to boast that they do not shop in certain big-box stores. Upon pursuing the conversation, you are likely to hear that they do not own a television set. A variation is that they do not watch television, although if one does not even have one of the things in the house, one is morally superior.
This holier-than-thou business has even trickled down to a certain set of children and has been exploited by the folks who make dungarees.
These things do not concern me, and I speak as an indifferent observer.
But I cannot remain silent when my wife, Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, says that she doesn’t “do” Facebook.
Facebook is an indispensable tool. I couldn’t write a column or a letter to the editor without it. Thirty years ago, long before computers or Facebook, I would visit any one of half a dozen friends who oozed wit and wisdom, write down what they said and sell it to newspapers. Some of their remarks were so good that I can repeat them for you today.
But times change and now I turn to my Facebook friends for help with composition. Here’s how it works. I’ll post whatever happens to be on my mind and wait for comments. Here’s an example: “If you are a husband, morning is probably your favorite time of the day. You have not yet had time to do something wrong.”
If this generates 20 or 30 pithy comments, half a dozen of them might be tied together and submitted for publication.
More often I post something that I’ve read online like this: “I am a motivational speaker for those suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, PTSD, phobias, shyness and depression.”
That was an obvious mistake because for two days, ads for pills claiming to cure these conditions have been turning up on my sidebar. If you mention the devil, he breaks down your door.
Appending a brief comment to most any headline from CNN or Reuters will often pass for a letter to the editor. I do this on Facebook and watch it for a day or two. Editors and Facebook friends are partial to anything that can be said in 20 words or less: Friends resent giving up the time it takes to read a long piece and editors have only so much space. Here’s an example of something still awaiting judgment on Facebook: “This morning a Florida woman says that our moral leader is doing a great job draining the swamp and is running for Congress so she can help him. Does this mean that she is willing to join President Trump’s associates who are already in jail?”
You might find this one to be more to your taste: “GOP Rep. Duncan Hunter, after claiming ‘witch hunt,’ to plead guilty to misusing campaign funds. The California lawmaker was reported to have used the money for trips abroad, bar tabs, affairs and more.”
Rep. Hunter is a very foolish man. All he had to do was keep crying “Witch hunt” and even after he was in jail, 50,000,000 honest hardworking rural people would still believe him.
Because it is difficult to critique one’s own work, getting 50 or so “likes” on Facebook indicates that you might have something worthy of an editor’s eyes.
And then there are those curious headlines that obviously stand alone and require no appended comment. You see so many of them that the problem is deciding on which one to post: “A Republican Tennessee lawmaker says he supports getting rid of higher education because he argues it would cut off the ‘liberal breeding ground.’ ”
No matter what the Almost Perfect Woman says, Facebook is an informative and educational tool.
She has no idea of what has been turning up for ads in my sidebar since I posted “… liberal breeding ground.”
The humble Farmer can be heard Friday nights at 7 on WHPW (97.3 FM) and visited at:
www.thehumblefarmer.com/MainePrivateRadio.html
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