This time I paid more attention to my better half ’s cleaning technique. Don’t get me wrong – he is a tremendous help when it comes to getting things done in a pinch. But I recently came to the conclusion that he has a system to get out of the distasteful chore of cleaning off the kitchen table. He picks up an envelope or perhaps a receipt and proceeds to ask, with all the naiveté he can muster, what “we” should do with it. I stop whatever I’m doing, take a moment to glance at the item and give some type of instruction, like filing or recycling. A minute or two later the same question is posed with another piece of mail or flyer. You know what happens next, right? Yup – the table top is mine.
How have I missed this little game all these years? When I’m standing in the garage trying to start the snow blower, cursing and growling when the dang thing stalls out after I’ve appropriately throttled, primed and unplugged it from the electric start, it’s no act. I’m baffled, rattled and riled that it won’t work for me. I have no interest in throwing on five layers of clothes and leaving a warm house to make something not work.
Cleaning snow off the cars is also not my favorite thing (I have just a few not favorite things). It has nothing to do with the fact that “someone” seems to get a certain amount of glee from pelting me with snow as he clears between the cars with the snow blower. The real problem is that I’m short… I mean – vertically challenged. This makes brushing the snow off the roof of the car difficult. By the time I’m done there is usually snow down my sleeves (even with gloves), in my hair (even with a hat) and all over my pants (even with… never mind). While I don’t necessarily try to get out of it, I might overstate my suffering to dodge further shoveling. At least I use my reprieve to make hot cocoa for everyone’s return.
You know we all have tasks we’d rather pass on to someone else. Getting out of them may entail a bit of manipulation at times. Spouse has this kitchen-table-dodging thing down to a science. I can’t claim innocence all the time when it comes to getting out of unpleasant tasks, but I don’t have a very long season to practice my avoid-helping to-plant-the-garden skills. When we had kids living at home they were often charged with helping out with things like snow removal. Excuses weren’t expected or tolerated much. Occasionally it was obvious that stall tactics were being used, with the hope that cars and driveway would be cleared before they got outside. It’s amazing how much time it takes to empty the hat and glove box in search of the “right” accessories.
So far Spouse has taken on the snow removal this season, and thankfully there hasn’t been a whole lot of it yet. I’m sure we’ll both be out there in the near future cleaning cars and shoveling out, even after our awesome plow guy comes through and takes care of the bulk of it. Hopefully our snow blower will continue to do its thing and make the rest of the cleanup at least tolerable.
Now if someone would just invent a kitchen table blower.
— Janine Talbot lives in Saco. Contact her at janinevtalbot@gmail.com.
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