Playing horseshoes with the U-shaped toilet seats commonly found in public restrooms doesn’t make you a redneck. (Though friends might worry over how you came to possess such a collection of toilet seats, which, you have to admit, is a legitimate concern.)
The backyard game could be explained as a creative repurposing of fixtures following an expensive bathroom renovation. People might even believe it.
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But if your toilet-seat diversion is followed by a hearty round of “tire beer trot,” a wife-carrying competition and a wet T-shirt contest, you’re going to have a hard time explaining the redneck away.
Add a mud pit in the yard big enough to cradle a pickup truck, and “redneck” becomes a certainty.
But there’s no shame in a bit of rustic entertainment. Such redneck resourcefulness will be celebrated during the inaugural Redneck Olympics this weekend in Hebron.
Yes, there will be competition. There will be gold medals. There will be pigs’ feet.
The Redneck Olympics consists of eight events, including the “tire beer trot,” a race akin to the traditional hurdles — except participants run over old tires instead of hurdles and have the additional task of drinking a beer while doing so.
The docket also includes a tug of war, a watermelon haul, a three-legged race, bobbing for pigs’ feet, a pie-eating contest, toilet-seat horseshoes and a wife-carrying event.
It all happens between 9:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. Saturday.
Harold Brooks, one of the event’s organizers and the generous guy who’s decided to open up his 210-acre farm for the festivities, said the Redneck Olympics are all about giving people a good time.
“People think ‘redneck’ means ignorant people who live in a trailer they built out of old pallets,” he said. “But it’s people who actually work for their money and who want to have fun. Some people could have the funnest thing in front of them and still be miserable. We’re talking about people who like to have a good time.”
Of course, redneck games aren’t without pomp and circumstance.
Ceremonies begin at 9 a.m. on Saturday with the singing of the National Anthem. Immediately afterward, the Running of the Pig will launch the day’s games.
“It’s a guy in a pig suit,” said Brooks. “With a torch, coming out of an outhouse, probably. He’ll light a barrel of — well, we don’t know what yet — and it’ll stay lit throughout the games.”
And while the day’s athletics are geared more toward “entertainment purposes” rather than “trampling adversaries until they weep for mercy,” top finishers in each category will be awarded medals.
In addition to the eight official games, a concrete pad has been poured for cars to do smoky burnouts, a mud pit has been dug for trucks to do mud runs, the track has been groomed for lawn mower races, and the water will be ready and willing for the wet T-shirt contest.
Saturday also includes an all-you-can-eat pig roast from 4 to 7 p.m. ($9 for adults; $4 for children under 12), and Brooks said they will be cooking up 12 pigs to meet the expected demand.
“Getting 12 pig cookers is a harder task than you’d think, but that place is definitely going to smell like a pig being cooked,” he said.
On-site food vendors will serve up grub that won’t break the bank, and volunteers will be pouring beer in the beer garden for only $2 a cup. Beer garden proceeds benefit homeless veterans in the area and the Hope Haven Gospel Mission in Lewiston.
A 20-foot bonfire will be lit Saturday night, and music from Dirty McCurdy, Firewater Creek, Gypsy, Twyce Shy and other bands will give attendees something to rock out to.
Camping is free all weekend on the property, and entry into the event is $15 in advance and $20 at the gate.
“Everything’s really reasonably priced. We didn’t want people to feel like they were getting killed,” said Brooks. “Our goal is that people truly have a good time.”
And if you happen to take the silver medal in the bobbing for pigs’ feet event and a gold in toilet-seat horseshoes, it doesn’t mean you’re a redneck. But keep at it. You’re getting close.
Staff Writer Shannon Bryan can be contacted at 791-6333 or at:
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