Before going into the main part of my column this week, as many of you know, Youland’s Jewelers on Main Street in Biddeford, will be closing soon, January 24th to be exact. This family owned business has served our community for 53 years. They are offering up to 55-percent off on their merchandise. Don’t miss out on their big discounts. Also, Walter, the owner will continue to do jewelry repair after the closing of the store. Contact them for details at 284-6528.
A Sobering Decision
More than a decade ago my folks moved up here to Maine from South Carolina where they had retired to, because my father had the beginnings of dementia and neither he nor my mother were in very good health in general. I built a two-family home in Nobleboro, a place just north of Damariscotta on the coast about an hour and forty minutes northeast of Biddeford, so they could remain at home as they needed more and more help.
In April of 2014 I was forced to place my father at Chase Point, in an assisted living facility in Damariscotta. They have provided him with excellent care and I am grateful to them. A few days ago my father ended up in the emergency room twice in a day due to repeated falling. The short of it is he had a cold, a minor virus. I have discovered that Dementia patients, as the disease progresses, have a harder and harder time fighting off other diseases. A minor virus like the one he just had likely made his dementia much worse. So while the dementia makes him more vulnerable to other diseases, each time he gets a cold or whatever, it in turn makes the dementia worse, a vicious, worsening, downward spiral.
It is a hard thing to watch a vibrant, powerful man go down this way. He has watched himself lose more and more of himself and for a man of the old world, whose self worth was tied to his power and strength and vitality, well, it is a grim final chapter in a life. My father has been suffering terribly the past few years since his open-heart surgery, which saved his life. But the quality of his life has been greatly diminished. The folks at the hospital asked me what I wanted for him. Should they try everything possible to extend his life or is making him comfortable and minimizing his pain the priority? Further testing and procedures would be painful and degrading and he is already in significant pain. It is a sobering decision to have to make. I thought he had suffered enough. I wanted him to have some peace for the little time he has left. My siblings, who are out of state, agreed, so I informed the hospital staff of our wishes. They told me they have done all they can for him medically and he won’t be able to go back to Chase Point. He needs a nursing home now, but he isn’t likely to last long.
As each person from that generation passes, I realize my generation is closer to facing similar challenges. I can’t say I am frightened for it still seems far away and I am filled with grief over losing my father. But it closes in ever so slowly and the thought is sobering. Much is left up in the air. My father never made his wishes clear about what he wanted after his passing, so now it is up to me to do what I think is best.
I was hoping to complete my story with some words of wisdom that might help a reader, but I must admit that the reader will have to take what he does from it without my wisdom, because I don’t know that I have any on the subject. I suppose I can say this: My mother always told us, “You have to survive”. Those were her words of wisdom regarding crises and challenging times. And so we do. We survive. We grow stronger. We learn what we can from the experience and try to do good in the world, and what else is there?
Thanks for reading and have a good week.
— Bruce M. Hardina is the publisher of the Journal Tribune, a singer-songwriter, a philosopher, a student of life and the human experience, a columnist, an entrepreneur and a family man. To comment on his musings, email bhardina@journaltribune.com or mail a note to Journal Tribune, Attn: Bruce Hardina, 457 Alfred St., Biddeford, ME 04005.
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