Are you male? White? Angry?
I’ve got just the political candidate for you.
And his name isn’t Donald Trump.
Here’s a little taste from his website:
“Right now the white flag is up and the welcome mat for terrorists is out. … America is getting bullied and the world and our country has become a dangerous place. This has got to stop! We need to get smart and we need to get tough. We need to be less politically correct and far more pro-active. Our safety is at stake!”
Really, this isn’t The Donald.
“We must put pressure on the Islamic community to push back against radical Islam – LOUDLY. They have been mostly silent, and this represents tacit support of Terrorism. I have no problem monitoring any place or group which evidence shows is a problem. Muslims are welcome, but they must assimilate as Americans!”
Everything seems less prejudicial if you use lots of exclamation points. For instance, this pronouncement from a press release:
“Illegal aliens will have to leave. We the people must regain control of our country! I will help make our country safe, great and prosperous again!”
One more from the website:
“[T]he American people are angry with every right to be. … It will be up to us, the aspiring new guys, to buckle down, forget the political correctness, listen to the people and get this country back on track.”
Just in case the code words aren’t getting through, this Tea Party Trumpette includes a quote on his website from David Limbaugh, brother of Rush, making it clear who the real enemies are:
“People are tired of Obama’s pitting blacks against whites, women against men, gays against heterosexuals, rich against poor, non-taxpayers against taxpayers, citizens against cops and his Muslims against Christians. They can no longer stomach Obama’s apologizing for America and excusing terrorists while rushing to attack Christians at every turn.”
Meet Mark Holbrook, who describes himself in a press release as “a non-lawyer, non-politician, conservative Republican.” Holbrook is also a psychologist and National Rifle Association instructor from Brunswick, who fancies himself the “Tip of the Spear” because he’s the “leading point of a movement aimed at the heart of Washington, while the shaft is the will of the voters in Maine’s 1st District who want change.”
I’m no psychologist, but that seems sorta phallic.
Holbrook is seeking the GOP nomination to run against Democratic U.S. Rep. Chellie Pingree, who he regards as an illegal alien (“I am working to send Ms Pingree back to her home state of Minnesota”). He also seems to think the key to wrenching the liberal southern part of the state – with its high concentration of foreign immigrants and other people who weren’t born in Maine – from the grasp of the Dems (who’ve held this seat for all but one term since 1986) is to go all Trumpazoid.
While Holbrook claims his top priority is jobs and the economy, most of his campaign seems focused on stirring up irrational fears in red-blooded American males with anger-management issues. It remains to be seen if that constituency is sufficient to win him the GOP nomination.
Because Holbrook has a primary opponent. Ande Smith of North Yarmouth, a lawyer who owns a cyber-security consulting company and serves as an appointee of Gov. Paul LePage on the state Board of Education, comes off as slightly less Trumpish than Holbrook. Emphasis on “slightly.”
From Smith’s website: “As I, along with many of you, watched the cold-blooded massacre in Paris and the slaughter of innocent Americans in San Bernardino by Islamist Jihadists, Iranian hostage taking and a nuclear deal so bad as to light the powder keg of the Middle East, Syrian refugees being brought to the country without real vetting, a border unsecured, a listless economy shackled by massive federal regulation, a President – enabled by supporters like Chellie Pingree –, abusing the Constitution by unbridled executive action threatening our 2nd Amendment rights, it became clear how best I can serve the people of Maine.”
Wary Republican politicians have been distancing themselves from Trump (hello, Bruce Poliquin), but these novice candidates seem more than willing to dance to his tune.
I prefer trumpeting done by Clifford Brown or Miles Davis. Blow your own horn by emailing aldiamon@herniahill.net.
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