The following is fictional but short.
Giuliani was the last to arrive, tucking his shirt into his pants, hoping no ants were in his pants. As typical of Rudy, his mouth arrives seconds before the rest of him. Following orders from the president to “dress like cowboys,” the entire cabinet looked like a group audition for the Grand Ole Opry.
“Boss,” Giuliani said, going straight to where the president sat on one of those bucking broncos, “‘What’s with Gene Autry and Roy Rogers over there, the cowboy clothes? I mean, we lucked out on ‘My Cousin Vinnie,’ but you guys look like extras from ‘The Three Amigos.'”
The president ignored him, citing his own accomplishments: “We’ll have helicopters, the U.S.Marines, a mock battle with some of the more dangerous women and children.”
We were gathered around a trailer with a square of tarp extending from its roof to form a large hunk of shadow. Within this shadow of doubt were gathered discarded members of the president’s current administration and some old timers from other administrations. There was Shawn Spicer, taking seriously his job of court buffoon, dressed as the Disney version of the coon-hatted frontier hero Davey Crockett. There was Secretary of Defense Mike Pompeo in a minor role as the personal aid to Russian President Vladimir Putin. The plan was to “run into” – as in “what a coincidence!” – the new administration at the site of the Border Wall.
As the time neared for the rally to begin, we got to our feet and organized somewhat around the president. The plan was to walk to the Border Wall, or what there was of the wall so far, and meet the crowd of half a million – most of them out of work – and most of them promised to attend by the president. Half a million against no more than 20 if we include members of the president’s family.
But the president had a few words to say. He was wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat that he removed and wiped the inside with his handkerchief, then:
“We all know the election was stolen from us by the Democrats and with this rally – or counter rally – as a counterpoint we’ll show the American people who their real friends are and what we could do in another four years. The only way they could win was to cheat and dump thousands of ballots into our rivers and streams. While the commie sympaticos decry our environmental record, they go ahead and continue to add fuel to the fire. During the past few weeks of my lame duckness I have made some changes. Hopefully a sort of substitute Christmas to make up for all that didn’t happen this year. For example, Christmas will fall on April 3 this year, honoring World Party Day. And mark your calander, a new national holiday on June 14, honoring my birthday. I would say I am humbled but I don’t know how to do anything humbly. “
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