Those of us fortunate enough to have been born in February have long known ours is the most significant of the twelve sections of the Gregorian calendar.
Doubt it? Check out this tiny sampling of notable human beings who began life during the year’s second month.
A mere quartet of America’s 45 presidents were born in February. But look at which ones! Knowledgeable historians consider George Washington and Abraham Lincoln the two greatest United States commanders-in-chief ever. A third February native, Ronald Reagan is rated somewhere between “Best president of all time” and “God’s other son” by Conservatives. As for the fourth, well, William Henry Harrison never got the chance to display his presidential mettle, as he was struck down by pneumonia just 31 days after his inauguration. Nevertheless, in 1979 he was named “Potentially greatest president ever” by the knowledgeable historians at William Henry Harrison High School in West Lafayette, Indiana during their monthly after-school faculty meeting in – when else? – February.
As impressive as that roster is, what’s equally striking is its utter lack of mediocre or bad presidents. Go ahead; check the list again. There’s nary a Harding, Nixon, Buchanan, or p***y-grabbing hamberder-eater in the bunch.
Distinguished literary scholars everywhere, even those who always assiduously avoid alliteration, fervently fancy fantastic February. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Langston Hughes, Gertrude Stein, Charles Dickens, John Grisham, Laura Ingalls Wilder, John Steinbeck and Jules Verne were all born in the second month.
Giants of the science world like Charles Darwin, Thomas Edison, Nicolaus Copernicus, Steve Jobs, and Galileo Galilei are February natives. And Februarians more impressed by physical feats than mental ones happily acknowledge Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth, baseball’s two greatest non-steroid-aided home run sluggers, were born this month, as were fellow elite athletes Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Cristiano Ronaldo, Neymar, Jaromir Jagr, Phil Esposito, Jim Brown, Roger Staubach and Mark Spitz, to name just a few.
Bravery is a long suit for February natives. Frederick Douglass, Rosa Parks, Susan B. Anthony, Charles Lindbergh, and Ralph Nader all provide proof of that.
Singers including Johnny Cash, Dr. Dre, Garth Brooks, Ja Rule, Sheryl Crow, Smokey Robinson, Jason Aldean, Ice T, Travis Tritt, Roberta Flack, and Clint Black, were all born in February, as were distinguished actors Sidney Poitier, Elizabeth Taylor, John Travolta, Clark Gable, Joe Pesci, and Burt Reynolds. Funnymen Jack Benny, Chris Rock, and Tom Smothers started life in February, as did trusted newscasters Tom Brokaw and Ted Koppel. Artist Norman Rockwell, clothier L. L. Bean, model Christie Brinkley, and Wild West showman Buffalo Bill Cody all began breathing independently between the 32nd and 59th days of their respective birth years.
Nearly as impressive as the lengthy listing of distinguished February births is the month’s total lack of misguided, cruel, or evil natives. Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Muammar Khadafy, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, Charles Manson, Ivan the Terrible, Pol Pot, Josef Stalin, Heinrich Himmler, Josef Mengele, Adolf Eichmann, Mao Zedong, Mohamed Atta, Idi Amin, Benito Mussolini, Jeffrey Dahmer, Attila the Hun, Nero, Caligula, Whitey Bulger, and Benedict Arnold were all born in other months. One possible exception is the late North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il, who began life on Feb. 16, 1941. But recent research by an elite team of knowledgeable historians indicate he was born 15 days prematurely, which officially consigns him to March.
But some of us harbor a tinge of justifiable resentment over February’s having been allotted a mere 7.73 percent of a non-leap year, while 31-day months like big, bad January and March each encompass 8.77 percent. What right do these neighboring months have to 744 hours each, when February has been unfairly limited to 672? January’s darker, and with weather no better than February’s, and gloomy, endless March was considered so insignificant it was limited by the Gregorian calendar’s designers to a mere single syllable.
Knowledgeable historians concur: in a more just world each of the year’s first three months would have exactly 30 days, which could easily be accomplished by ceding January’s last day and March’s first one to February. Do that and February would cheerfully donate the piddling extra day it gets once every four years to some poor, less-significant month that can use it, like April, September, or November. A 30-day February wouldn’t need it.
Were this simple adjustment made February could claim Jackie Robinson, Zane Grey, and Ernie Banks (all born on Jan. 31) as natives, not to mention March 1 babies like Justin Bieber, Lizzie Borden, and Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
Hmmm. Upon further review, February elects to annex January’s last day, but passes on March 1. Knowledgeable historians born in February (like me) concur: 29 days are quite sufficient for what clearly is already the calendar’s most impressive month.
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