Multiple late-night talk shows are in reruns this week, but three of the most political hosts – CBS’s Stephen Colbert, ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel and Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah – are on the air. And they had plenty of material on Wednesday.
Earlier in the day, New York Magazine and the Guardian posted excerpts from Michael Wolff’s upcoming tell-all book about President Donald Trump’s White House, and featured some brutal quotes from Steve Bannon. This led to a scathing statement from Trump, who eviscerated his former chief strategist.
As you might expect, the comedians had a field day with the feud. Here were some topics they covered:
• Bannon’s quote about the June 2016 meeting at Trump Tower between Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, Jared Kushner and a Russian lawyer: “Even if you thought that this was not treasonous, or unpatriotic, or bad s—, and I happen to think it’s all of that, you should have called the FBI immediately.”
Colbert: “So he thinks Manafort, Don Jr. and Kushner did something ‘treasonous, unpatriotic, and bad s—.’ Coincidentally, those are also their Secret Service code names.”
Noah: “He also thinks the Trump campaign did collude with Russia . . . Trump’s dude not only accused Trump’s second-dumbest son of collusion, but he’s also accusing the president of being in on it and then lying to the American people about it. You know what that means, people – buckle up, because Trump’s about to blow.”
Kimmel: “He is quoted in a new book accusing Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law, of money laundering, accusing Donald Trump Jr. of treason, which – now you tell us? Thanks a lot.”
• Trump’s statement lambasting Bannon, saying, “When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind.”
Colbert: “Now all he has to do is lose his dog, and he’s gonna have an awesome country song.”
Noah: “I didn’t even know presidents could release diss tracks. But I do feel bad for President Trump, because today he found out that some Nazis aren’t very fine people.”
Colbert: “Lost his mind? That’s pretty harsh. What kind of stuff has Bannon been saying since he was fired?” (Clip of Bannon saying, “Every person in this country should get down every night and thank God Donald Trump is president of the United States.”) “Clearly insane.”
Noah: “Imagine being told by Donald Trump that you have lost your mind.”
• Bannon’s quote about Donald Trump Jr. being questioned in the Russia investigation: “They’re going to crack Don Jr. like an egg on national TV.”
Noah: “Honestly, I don’t even know if that is a metaphor. I think there is at least a 50 percent chance you would find yolk where a brain should be.”
Colbert: “CNN is already running a promo.” (Plays a “This Is Your Brain on Drugs” parody with an egg frying on the sidewalk: “This is the Senate. This is Don Jr. testifying before the Senate. Any questions?”) “Yeah, I have a question. How soon can that happen? That’s Super Bowl ratings.”
Noah: “I am surprised that Bannon knows that you crack eggs. I always just assumed that he ate them whole, like raw, with the shell and everything, like a snake.”
Kimmel: “DJTJ, the president’s son, got in the fight. He went after Bannon, he called him a liar and a back stabber. The rats are finally eating their young is what’s going on here.”
• Trump’s other shots at Bannon, including, “Steve was a staffer who worked for me after I had already won the nomination . . . Steve had very little to do with our historic victory . . . Now that he is on his own, Steve is learning that winning isn’t as easy as I make it look.”
Colbert: “Yeah, Bannon was just a staffer. Or as some people pronounce it, ‘campaign CEO.’ ”
Noah: “Donald Trump is so amazing. In the middle of completely ripping his former chief strategist, he takes a moment to remind us how dope he is. It is like someone b– slapping you and dabbing in the same motion.”
Colbert: “I do agree with Trump there. That victory was the selfless, uncredited work of one eager young staffer.”
• Bannon’s appearance.
Kimmel: “Steve Bannon is Trump’s former chief strategist who always looked like he was halfway through melting.”
Noah: “Remember Steve Bannon, Trump’s former chief strategist and human leather jacket?”
Colbert: “Let’s go to another bombshell from former Trump adviser and what happens when your syphilis gets herpes, Steve Bannon.”
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