The world needs new primary colors. Red, blue, and yellow are so yesterday. The trio of hues people have blindly accepted as “primary” for as long as anyone alive can remember has had more than enough time in the sun, an object vital to life on our planet which is neither blue, red, nor entirely yellow. It’s orange, a much-under-appreciated color which, along with green and purple, has been unfairly relegated to secondary color status for far too long.

Like all transformative ideas, the redefinition of one or more of the world’s primary colors is bound to run into fierce, shrill, and unceasing opposition. Choruses of self-righteous, pious naysayers will fervently and smugly parrot the same tired old arguments about every other color of the rainbow being some combination of the three currently-recognized primary ones, and about Thomas Young’s theory of human vision being tri-chromatic, which the well-known English polymath and physician first articulated in 1793. “You can’t change something as established and widely accepted as the three primary colors,” they’ll say dismissively.

Really?

Is slavery still legal? Is the right to vote still limited to property-owning Caucasian males? Are jousting, bear-baiting, and cockfighting still popular mainstream sports? Do people still buy tobacco products, even though they know using them can adversely affect their health?

Oops. I withdraw that last example.

But sometimes radical change can be a good thing. If the founding fathers of the United States of America were bound and determined to have their nation’s flag forever feature just 13 stars and stripes, Maine would be still be located in Massachusetts, Alaska would still be a part of Russia, and Texas would be an independent country. Imagine our nation if there had never been a President Bush, or if people like Ted Cruz and Rick Perry couldn’t take part in America’s political discourse.

Oops. That’s also a poor example.

But if mankind is going to insist on having just three primary colors, it can do better than the current trio.

Red is the color of blood, anger, and a squirrel after it’s been run over by a lawn mower. Blue signifies sadness, melancholy, and despair. It’s the shade people turn right before they suffocate. Yellow conjures up jaundice, pollen, nicotine stained teeth, and dry-erase whiteboard markers that write in a hue no one can see.

Can’t we at least consider flip-flopping the current primary colors with the nominal secondary ones for a century or so just to see how it goes?

Plants, jade, and paper currency are just three of the many desirable objects that are green. Purple is the color of eggplant, amethyst, and a wide variety of mood-enhancing flowers, not to mention Harold’s amazing crayon. But orange is without question the hue most deserving of primary status.

Breathtaking sunrises and awe-inspiring sunsets glow in various shades of orange. The flames that have kept mankind cozy for many millennia, initially in caves and more recently in fireplaces or woodstoves generally have an orange hue. Imagine a Maine winter without the availability of fire for warmth.

Carrots are orange, and if one eats enough of them his/her vision will improve to the point where those vivid sunrises and sunsets will be even more visually breathtaking.

Tangerines, sweet potatoes, clementines, cantaloupes, pumpkins, papayas, apricots, and butternut squash are all orange. There’s another roundish citrus fruit people eat that’s orange. It comes in sections, and its juice is delicious too. If only I could remember its name!

Not everything orange is worth admiring, though. The tint of a current presidential candidate’s face (and occasionally his hair as well) is one major strike against orange. So too are the too-small micro-shorts waitresses at a certain chain restaurant are required to wear, garments that insidiously encourage misogyny by perpetuating the idea of women as objects rather than human beings. In addition, the deep-fried, orange-hued Buffalo Wings served at that particular establishment not only encourage premature artery-hardening, but have led to the near-extinction of the once-plentiful species of winged buffalo that soared in huge herds over America’s great plains during the middle and late 19th century.

But like human beings, no color is perfect. However, the idea of orange becoming a primary color would undoubtedly garner enthusiastic support from avid sports fans in Syracuse, New York; Knoxville, Tennessee; and Stillwater, Oklahoma, where the local collegiate athletic teams (Syracuse Orange, Tennessee Volunteers, and Oklahoma State Cowboys, respectively) clad themselves in orange. And orange becoming an official primary color would be a big hit in Biddeford, or in any other city or town where the local sports teams are called the Tigers.

Now if only I could remember the name of that other orange fruit!

— Andy Young teaches in Kennebunk and lives in Cumberland.

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