“I love April Fool’s Day,” Gilmore Hilton spoke with such conviction that he left no doubt. We needed only to ask “Why?”
Matt suggested that he enjoyed fooling the children who frequented his store. Derek said he held sales with false advertising. Philip, the most personable in the group, thought we had to listen to the story again about the moose who wandered into Gil’s store before it opened.
“No,” affirmed Gil, “it marks the end of March. I hate March. My customers all have mud on their feet, and I need to wash the floor three times daily. It’s named after Mars, the god of war, and I am reminded of my Uncle Bradford who made the ultimate sacrifice. ‘Beware the Ides of March’ is more than a trivial caveat; something always goes wrong on the 15th. It comes between basketball and baseball so the sports page about Simplex Pond High School is a blank sheet. Also, there is not a single day off from school so I have to wait untul 3 p.m. to sell the kids a treat. Even Chaucer in ‘The Canterbury Tales’ supports me in old English:
‘Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote
The doughte of March hath perced to the roote.’
Finally, the snow melts and exposes all the lawn projects I should have completed in the fall. I hate March. Even when the sun is out, I still can’t bear March. Listen to Shakespeare:
‘Worse than the sun in March,
This praise doth nourish argues.'”
Gilmore convinced us. As we left his store, I heard Paul say, “I hate March.” Now I do too.
Morton Soule is a Latin teacher at Cape Elizabeth High School. He can be reached at mortsoule@gmail.com.
Send questions/comments to the editors.
