My late father said, when you turn 80, you can do and say what you want.
I said what about 50?
He said, “You have to bite your tongue,” but he acknowledged that some people vented by yelling at their TV sets – news announcers, sports games, etc.
Good idea.
He died in April. I started trying out his idea then.
Here are three highlights of my verbal fisticuffs with the idiot box this week:
PET PEEVE
You know the “talking heads” who appear on MSNBC and FOX News all the time? College professors, media types, retired government folks?
After they finish their interviews, the announcer will usually say, “Thank you, Mr. McGillicuddy, we appreciate your time.” Instead of saying, “No problem,” or “Glad to help,” etc., they inevitably say, “Thank YOU!!”
They appear just thrilled to be on TV.
I scream at the idiot box, silently: “Just say no problem! No! Pretend you have done it before. Pretend it is no big deal. Pretend a friend called you in the middle of the night from the Maine Turnpike, flat tire, and you went to help them change it. If they said thank you, what would you say?
“No, thank YOU?”
No. You would say, “No problem…”
Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
“WHAT IS 2 PLUS 2? SO, IT’S…”
Have you noticed much of America is now starting off sentences, with no reason, with the word “So…”?
Arrggghhh!!
Be on the lookout now. It all started about two years ago. Not sure the etiology. Very similar to the l970s when all guest speakers at the Kiwanis Club would interject an “er…um…uh…” in every third sentence or so: “I want to, um…er…thank you for…um…er…inviting me to speak today, and…um…”
Similar also to the l990s when you started to hear teenagers use “like” every fourth or fifth word in sentences.
Here is a sample of what you hear today – even from media people who get paid to use words well:
Question from TV news anchor: “Ms. Williams, what did the senator say at the hearing about the agriculture bill?”
Answer from TV correspondent on Capitol Hill: “So…Senator McGillucuddy said the bill will help feed schoolchildren.”
Or…question: “Where do you think the protest movement is headed on taxes?”
Answer: “So…the opponents do not like taxes. They will fight every bill.”
Arrgghhhh!!
HOW WAS THE STEAK? “SPECIAL…” HOW WAS THE HOME RUN? “SPECIAL….”
You probably didn’t know this, but some former pro athletes who do color commentary on sports shows are not all that smart. They made a living hitting the ball 400 feet, or throwing it 90 miles per hour. Not thumbing through a Roget’s Thesaurus.
As a result, they sometimes struggle for words, which is fine. But they also clearly want to sound intelligent. So they “guess” how they can do that.
What does their guess lead them to do?
Use the adjective “special” over and over and over.
Question from Play by Play Guy: “Billy Smith has had a good year.”
Response from former pro player/color commentator: “Yes…it was special…he has brought a lot to the team…I talked with the manager before the game…and he said, “You just can’t find the words to describe what he has meant to us…just special.”
Arrgghh!
Stroke and heart attack over.
At ease.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you about all this stuff.
Dan Warren is a Scarborough trial lawyer. He can be reached either by private Facebook message at the Jones & Warren Attorneys at Law Page, or by email at jonesandwarren@gmail.com.
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