The holiday decorations have been put away, which in my household means I’ve drunk the last drops of Christmas ale. I’m now ready to face whatever the new year has to offer (bock beer, I hope), and deal with any leftover issues from 2014 (I just found a couple of bottles of Oktoberfest in the back of the refrigerator).
In this, I’m much like the new Legislature, except that instead of skunky beer, it has to confront a stinky economy that promises to remain, in the near term, flatter than that open can of Bud Light that’s been sitting on the counter since New Year’s Eve. In the long term, our overall job outlook shows signs of a more precipitous decline than sales of Old Milwaukee.
These grim possibilities aren’t as easily avoided as old beer. That’s because they’re caused by old people, of whom Maine has an overabundance. Scientists say everyone in the state is getting older by the second.
Wait, isn’t that true everywhere this side of Peter Pan’s Neverland?
Actually, it is. We’re not aging faster than anybody else. But our average age is increasing more rapidly than the rest of the nation because we seem to have misplaced all our young people. According to 2013 figures from the U.S. Census, the state’s median age was 43.9 years old. That’s up from 43.5 in 2012, and an increase of nearly six years since 2000, which means we’re becoming more decrepit at greater than twice the pace of the country as a whole.
If current demographic trends continue, by the year 2050, most of us will be dead. Even if there’s a major shift in the statistics by mid-century, nearly everybody currently north of the median age will still be deceased or really, really old. That has serious implications for our economy.
On the positive side, just about everyone will be above the legal age to buy beer, which should help sales at the state’s breweries. On the negative side, there may be no one physically fit enough to do the hard labor necessary to make beer, because we’ll have turned into doddering coots or corpses.
As state Department of Labor chief economist Glenn Mills told the Bangor Daily News, “These population dynamics explain why Maine is experiencing slow growth in [gross domestic product], personal income, employment and other economic measures. Our workforce is barely growing, and the challenges to growth will increase in the years ahead unless we are able to entice more young people to move to the state.”
Enticing doesn’t seem to be our strong suit. Maybe we should try drugging them.
There have been other suggestions as to how to lure youth to the state. Politicians have proposed forgiving some or all of college student loans if graduates agree to stay in Maine and practice some sort of useful profession, such as shoveling spent grain from fermenting tanks. Others have promised to give young people a free year at the state university system, which is currently in the process of bankrupting itself. And then there’s the plan to secure our borders so nobody under 40 can get out.
I doubt any of these schemes will reverse the flow of youthful emigrants to the bright lights and grand opportunities of Boston, New York or North Dakota. One weekend in Fargo, and Dover-Foxcroft is always going to seem too small.
What’s needed is an approach that deals directly with the wants, needs and concerns of millennials or whatever those disloyal little creeps are calling themselves. Unfortunately, no one in Maine has a clue about what those wants, needs and concerns are, because we’re all older than analog television and remain convinced, in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that the late Robin Williams was still hip.
Among the bills the Legislature is expected to consider to address this issue (young people leaving, not Robin Williams’ lack of hipness) are ones to reduce the income tax (incorrectly assuming millennials have incomes), improve access to affordable health care (ignoring the fact that millennials are already reasonably healthy) and legalize marijuana (failing to understand that taxing pot will make it more expensive than current illicit supplies).
It should be obvious why the under-40 crowd is flocking to North Dakota. They go there because there are plenty of jobs that offer excellent wages. If your paycheck is fat enough, you don’t worry about high taxes, costly health insurance, pricey weed and a pronounced lack of hipness.
There’s no way Maine can compete with that. So we need to take a different approach.
If the generation that came after the generation that came after the Greatest Generation (if you happened to be white and male) is to be lured back home, we need to offer them something Dakota can’t.
Something that will make up for a lack of decent jobs.
Something that will overcome an excess supply of geezers.
Something that will make Bangor sparkle like Bismarck.
Something like free beer.
I’m willing to donate those two out-of-date bottles of Oktoberfest.
Make your contributions by emailing aldiamon@herniahill.net.
Send questions/comments to the editors.
