Ethan: We just had my favorite holiday!
Phil: Tax Collection Day?
Ethan: Very funny. Thanksgiving, where we get to express that for which we are thankful.
Phil: After this past Election Day, I can’t imagine there is much you are politically thankful for this year.
Ethan: What are you talking about? What could a political commentator want more than Gov. Paul LePage in the Blaine House? We are talking top-notch material for you and me to discuss on the evening news and in our weekly columns!
Phil: How true. He is the gift that keeps on giving. But honestly, don’t we really have you Democrats to thank for this? If you hadn’t run Rep. “I am not Paul” Michaud, we might have had four years of Gov. Michaud. How boring would that have been!
Ethan: For all the good I can say about Mike, you are correct. I don’t expect he would have provided much material for “Saturday Night Live.” Dude probably goes to bed by 8 p.m.
Phil: That said, I do want to thank Mike for running. If he hadn’t, we Republicans never would have been able to take back the 2nd Congressional District, a seat that has been lost in the wilderness for 20 years.
Ethan: And I need to thank Republicans for giving us Bruce Poliquin. If a Republican had to win that seat, thank God it wasn’t someone reasonable like Kevin Raye. Instead we get the tea party-crazed Poliquin. I can’t wait to see what cringe-worthy headlines he provides for our columns over the coming two years. Plus, with Poliquin instead of Raye, our chances of returning the seat to its rightful owners in 2016 are almost guaranteed.
Phil: Between Poliquin and LePage, Republicans will definitely be making headlines for years to come. Probably not so much for re-elected Rep. Chellie Pingree. Republicans have increased their majority in Congress to 56 seats. That means our southern Maine representative won’t be able to create headlines making our health care system more costly and complicated.
Ethan: I thought you’d be thankful that Republicans increased their majority because it ensures two more years of total gridlock in Washington.
Phil: Speaking of gridlock, there should be a lot less of it in Augusta with Republicans taking over the state Senate. To that end, I am thankful that your side re-elected Justin Alfond to be your leader. With his track record of losing seats by damaging the Democratic brand among independents, we might hold the majority for a decade.
Ethan: And I am thankful that your side elected the axis of right-wing musketeers in Michael Thibodeau, Garrett Mason and Andre Cushing as president, majority leader and whip. If you had elected moderates like Sens. Roger Katz and Tom Saviello, you might have fooled Maine people into thinking the Republican Party has become reasonable again.
Phil: I imagine you must also be thankful that four independents won seats in the House because without them you wouldn’t be able to re-elect Democratic constitutional officers for two more years. In fact, I bet you are so thankful, that you have encouraged Secretary of State Matt Dunlap and Attorney General Janet Mills to send them daily turkey dinners through Wednesday!
Ethan: Honestly, the seat I am following more closely is for state treasurer. I hear that former Democrat-turned-independent Terry Hayes is making a serious run at Democrat Neria Douglas. By the way, how thankful are you that 21 ballots mysteriously showed up on Long Island allowing you to be represented by a Republican again?
Phil: About as thankful as you must be that Democrats are finally admitting election integrity is an issue.
Ethan: And I am thankful that Republicans must now investigate an election in which their candidates may have benefited from some malfeasance, under the watch of a Republican warden! You guys must be so disappointed that it isn’t an issue of illegal immigrants voting for a Democrat without photo IDs.
Phil: That said, I am grateful that we live in such a great country where elections determine who serves and the transfer of power occurs without incident.
Ethan: As long as that transfer is from Democrat to Republican?
Phil: Of course.
Ethan: All joking aside, let me say how grateful I am for your friendship and collaboration. We’ve been doing this on radio, TV or in print since 2006 and every day I work with you I am reminded of the importance of our parties talking to each other.
Phil: Right back at ‘cha. Besides entertaining people, I hope we’re demonstrating that politics can be done differently. You have certainly shown me how “difference in path” does not necessarily equal “difference in goal.” Now, if I only I could convince you Giants’ fans to root for the Patriots …
Ethan: That’s a divide even we can’t bridge.
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