Perhaps as many as 14 years ago, I saw a moving and thought-provoking film called “Pay It Forward,” starring Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt. In my view, a great film keeps me thinking about it or at least the messages portrayed in it. It keeps me thinking about issues that affect us, about the human experience.
This film certainly met my expectations. The lesson in the story is that we should be doing things for one another, helping one another, because we have obligations to one another, but that we do not then owe the person who helped us. Rather, the debt is to be paid by then helping someone else ”“ by paying it forward. In this way, we are taking responsibility for the help we receive by paying our debt to society through individuals, and ever expanding the web of community.
Perhaps the phrase “pay it forward” was first used by Lily Hardy Hammond in her 1916 book “In the Garden of Delight,” but the concept goes back at least to ancient Athens more than 2,300 years ago and has been written about since by several great thinkers including Benjamin Franklin, Ralph Waldo Emerson and others, according to Archive.org. Admittedly, I only discovered it when I saw the film, but have been much influenced by it. I grew up with a mother and maternal grandmother who believed in service to others, and thus, have tried in my own small way to carry on that great tradition. But I have always also tried to repay those who have helped me along the way.
By the way, nobody “makes it on their own.” We all get help in a myriad of ways from the lessons we were taught from family members or friends, or the opportunity to go to good schools and good universities, or the chance someone took to give us a job we weren’t obviously qualified for, or countless small kindnesses, a strong family unit, etc., etc., etc.
I honestly cannot count the number of times I have been helped by strangers in my life. In 1977, I was living in Alaska seeking adventure at the age of 18. It had been a week since I had eaten because, despite walking into each and every business in the City of Juneau, which boasted a year-round population of 6,000, no one was hiring and I simply had absolutely no money.
A total stranger offered me a meal, not because I asked for one, but simply out of the kindness of his heart when he discovered through his probing that I was hungry. He was not wealthy, but had obviously been fortunate in his life, working hard and making a good living. I didn’t realize it, but he was paying that debt forward; the debt to a society that made it possible for a person to work hard and, with some luck, make a nice living. He understood that plenty of people work very hard and still cannot afford the basics in life, never mind little indulgences. Fast forward to today, 17 years later, and this is even more true.
Getting back to my original point, a few months back, a friend gave me something as a gift that I needed but wouldn’t have purchased on my own. I said thank you, but no. I don’t want charity (I have this affliction that although I immensely enjoy giving, I truly do not like to receive. I am embarrassed by it. I’m sure Freud has plenty to say about that). Then she said, “It is not charity. Please pay the debt forward when you can.” I understood her, thanked her, still felt uneasy about it, but accepted it. It was another reminder of the infinite kindnesses that have been paid to me and everyone else and that we only need to remember to pay it forward in whatever ways we are able to someone else in need.
Thank you for reading, be well, have peace and we’ll chat next week.
— Bruce M. Hardina is the publisher of the Journal Tribune, a singer/songwriter, a philosopher, a student of life and the human experience, a columnist, an entrepreneur and family man. To comment on his musings, email him at bhardina@journaltribune.com or mail a note to Journal Tribune, Attn: Bruce Hardina, 457 Alfred St., Biddeford. ME 04005.
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