Okay. Are you the mother of a suburban male athlete between kindergarten and eighth grade? If so, I need you to sit down right now. Please. Before you read this.
Are you a father of the same (Gender stereotypes? No. Ten years of empirical southern Maine data? Then, you, sir, leave the room. Now! Do not stop to take any possessions!
What am I about to reveal?
A frightening national epidemic such as influenza or mass bacteria? No.
A serial killer escaped from the Maine State Prison, on the loose? Worse.
A new Stephen King book with the latest creation to keep you up at night? Oh, child, you are not ready for this.
It is about our shattered hopes and dreams!
This is about a young woman from Waynflete named Martha Veroneau.
Today, on behalf of all young males and their parents!! in every suburban community in Maine, I hereby declare her Public Enemy No. 1!!!
Bank robbers of the l920s and 30s such as Al Capone or John Dillinger used to make the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List because their activities were not only illegal — but unsettled an entire nation. Ms. Veroneau is worse! She has done something that shakes the very core of Suburban American to the brink of ruin.
She has gotten what every Chad and Colby and Chloe and Brittney the last decade has wanted–and she has said, “Ho Hum…please pass the popcorn.”
ARRGGHH!!!
Martha Veroneau, in short, Has It All and she is throwing it all away!
Ms. Veroneau was on a team this winter that won the state girls basketball championship.
She was on a team this spring that won the state girls lacrosse championship.
On the side, I am sure she was in One Act Play, Chess Club and coordinator of the International Pancake Club Charity Breakfast Drive for the Homeless, etc. etc.
As a friend said, “Doesn’t her well-roundedness just make you sick?” Yes!
This fall? Martha Veroneau is headed to Boston College. She wants to study (!!) and go into the nursing field.
That is all fine—except for this—-SHE DOESN’T WANT TO PLAY SPORTS IN COLLEGE!!
She plans to leave it all behind!!
This is outrageous! We cannot stand for this!
According to the newspaper story about her being chosen as Female Athlete of the Year, Veroneau said she is putting all sports behind her this fall in order to concentrate on her studies for a nursing degree.
“She said athletics has dominated her high school life, and she wants to try new things,” the story read. Veroneau herself added in an interview: “Maybe yoga or dance lessons might be the next thing.”
Martha, say it ain’t so!
What do we do with all those parents at kindergarten soccer games, cheering madly for goals, who genuinely think their kids will one day play pro soccer?
What about the boys in fourth grade dribbling between their legs thinking they are headed, eventually, for a Division I hoop scholarship?
And how to break the news to all those boys in Scarborough Little League who throw sidearm or have little hitches in their swing who think they will be no worse then the fifth round of the Major League Baseball draft in five to eight years?!?
You have ruined all this for them, Martha! You have reached some of those pinnacles—state championships!! Athlete of the Year!! and you have said, “Enough..now on to other things in life.”
This is cruel, Martha, this is cruel!
We are meeeeeellllltttting……meeeeelllllttting!! As the Wicked Witch said in that final, awful scene of Oz “Oh, what a world!!”
Dan Warren lives in Scarborough. He can be reached at jonesandwarren@gmail.com.
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