Local and state politicians are suffering from various diseases hitting us in record numbers and it’s time we taxpayers are inoculated against them.
In the vast scheme of things, I am not worried about Lyme Disease (already had it twice), West Nile Virus or the flesh-eating disease known as Ebola. I am more worried about elected officials suffering from Mad Cash Disease or even worse, Robbing Hood Disease that affects the wallets of all taxpayers.
Let’s face the truth, here in Windham the majority of councilors have shown symptoms of the worst kind of disease known to taxpayers, the Giant Sucking Syndrome, as they want to be connected not only to your bank account but your toilet as well.
I had already presumed that there would be another lawsuit against the town of Windham involving the Windham Police Department so there was no surprise for me when it happened once again. As Windham taxpayers live with government officials suffering from Hoof in Mouth Disease, actions of our local government officials will be settled in the court room and the vast majority of Windhamites will not have a clue as to what really is happening in our town.
What’s even worse, some department heads, along with the town manager and majority of town councilors, also suffer from, ready for this, the dreaded Alice in Wonderland Syndrome where time, space and money are distorted. If you think I am wrong, just look at the money that some councilors and department heads would really like to spend on things like a new Public Works facility or a new park at Chaffin Pond in North Windham. What could even be worse is the amount of calls I receive on a weekly basis about the Windham Public Works Department alleging that department suffers from the Walking Corpse Syndrome. To be absolutely honest, we all know that it only takes one apple to ruin the bushel of apples, so I won’t go any further there.
There is no doubt that Windham’s local government has me and others suffering from Exploding Head Disease, which has symptoms of my wife and I experiencing loud noises that don’t exist. Several citizens of Windham have recently complained to the Windham town councilors about the abuse of fireworks in our town. Surely they, as well as my wife and I, must be suffering under this syndrome when we imagine hearing fireworks at 3 a.m. and to date we have not seen any arrests by the Windham Police Department that I know of. Maybe it has something to do with Alien Hand Disease where hands take on a life of their own, something already alleged to have happened in the Windham Police Department.
Perhaps a most disturbing disorder, mental of course, that our local officials in Windham could be suffering from is called Mythomania. Although in the past I had never heard of this disease, I have reason to believe it’s something that spreads quicker among politicians than any other group. Never heard of it? This disease is a mental condition where a person suffers from compulsive lying and that person might believe their lies to be the truth. Oops, I guess that goes for all politicians at all levels. These same public officials also suffer from other symptoms from that disease. All you have to do is look at every year when the school and municipal budgets come up to a public vote. The Windham town manager and superintendent of schools forecast nothing but disaster if they don’t get what they want. Makes me want to take way too much aspirin.
Another frequent disease found in government is Dingy Fever, which is usually exhibited at Windham Town Council meetings when someone from the audience criticizes what the council has done. The councilor who then attacks the member of the public rapidly shows symptoms of encephalitis when their head rapidly expands in size as they release verbal abuse upon the poor unsuspecting member of the public.
Lane Hiltunen, of Windham, hopes all politicians are inoculated against Dum Dum Disease.
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