As we age, we gradually “give up” little vestiges of our independence. Some people no longer work full time and find their income has been reduced – while their expenses continue to rise. Those weekly lunches or shopping trips are curtailed. We’re unable to continue our previous lifestyle due to economic concerns, so we’re not as independent as we had planned.
In retirement, with reduced or static income, the cost of gasoline and car maintenance may also affect independence. Those four or five trips a week to the grocery store or other shopping may have to be reduced to a couple of well-planned trips. Still, the retiree can come and go as he or she pleases – maintaining that independence.
It is the ability to decide for oneself and to carry out that plan of shopping, lunch with friends, a trip to visit friends or family, that is important to being independent and that’s what most of us hold most dear. And here in Maine, that independence is tied to being able to drive oneself.
A column reader from South Portland has raised the issue of “giving up the keys” as the subject no one wants to talk about. A senior citizen herself, she has a background in senior services and long time care and speaks from experience.
She writes, “One subject that has always been a ‘bone in one’s throat’ is about transportation. Making the decision to give up one’s license to drive is one that many struggle with – and (it’s) mostly more painful for the family. Family members feel they know when it is time to give up driving – and, rightfully so. However, many a family has been less than successful in approaching the subject.
“Either not wanting to bother family and friends for a ride or unable to coordinate or even have alternative transportation nearby, seniors may become depressed or withdrawn and this may go unnoticed.”
What is the solution? Who do people turn to for guidance in this difficult subject? If there was a test, a law, that might work. I can tell you that entered my mind when I stopped driving a few years ago. There were several factors that helped me decide to give up that segment of my independence.
First, it’s the economy. Car repair was needed before getting a sticker – repairs my dear garage mechanic told me would be almost impossible and if he could do it, it would cost thousands of dollars, which I did not have. Second, being so independent, I didn’t want someone else telling me what to do, even if it was for my own good. Better, I thought, to decide for myself.
I thought about the trips to the library, the last-minute store trips and Laundromat – and just driving around, looking at historic places and taking pictures. But then I thought about the hundreds of dollars each month it would continue to cost me to indulge in these activities.
Many of my friends are retired and maintain a car. Most of them did not raise a family alone so didn’t carry forward all the “baggage” a single parent faces in their senior years. All my friends had offered rides to me in the past, so I decided to save the car expense, sell the car and not renew my license. Driving requires skills and quick reactions. As one gets older, even the commonplace activities get a little more difficult to perform. One walks a little more carefully, i.e. slower; one reacts a little slower, too.
The writer from South Portland says, “The best solution, in my opinion, is usually made too late. Biting nails, sealing lips, watching a driver with poor body reactions – and yes, sometimes decision-making processes can be fatal, not only to the driver, but all else on the road! Reasoning ability wanes, too. Have this discussion with your loved one now. Do not wait until someone has to make the decision for you.
“It is of utmost importance that one has ‘all the ducks in a row’ prior to making the decision. Prior, meaning, years before, making the decision a mind-set. Planning ahead. Make sure you know how you will be able to navigate without an auto. What are the alternative transportation opportunities in your area? Talk about it. Share your ideas with others. Think about it. Make it a part of your life decision list. Do your homework ahead of time.”
Alternative transportation opportunities in my area include a taxi service, a one-day shopping van schedule provided for a small fee through the town’s Parks Department and – most important – family and friends. There is no public transportation in this town of more than 17,000 people. Other towns/cities are different. Investigate what’s available in your town. One day, this information will be vital.
Whoever said having a vehicle was necessary to be independent? It wasn’t until I decided to “come home and settle down” that I needed to learn to drive. All those prior years I depended on public transportation.
I’d love to hear readers’ comments about this vital topic.
Kay Soldier welcomes reader ideas for column topics of interest to seniors. She can be reached by email at kso48@aol.com, or write to 114 Tandberg Trail, Windham, ME 04062.
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