I read an article the other day that said, on average, it’s warmer at the North Pole than the South Pole. Why is it “warmer” at one pole than the other? Most people assume they’re both pretty cold and don’t think about it again. Scientific types think about things like that and don’t give it up until they’ve discovered a good reason for it.
I’ll explain why one pole is colder than the other in a minute, but first I have to explain that I was all ready to write a cold weather column this morning. But was temporarily discouraged when I sat down and booted up to begin writing and heard the chirpy guy on the radio beside me saying the temperature outside was an unseasonably warm 42 degrees – hardly qualifying as cold weather in Maine in December.
Let’s just hope it’s a lot colder outside where you are when you get around to reading this, so you can get into the spirit of what I wanted to say.
Around this time of year we have every right to expect our fair share of cold weather, which includes temperatures in the 20s and overnight temperatures dipping near zero, just for good measure. We can also explain a blizzard or two thrown into the mix, with a dash of sleet and freezing rain, just so we won’t forget where we are.
In a month or two the national news and weather people will keep an eye on places like Caribou, so they can make the rest of the country feel almost cozy by reporting: “… and the temperature in Caribou, Maine, this morning is a cool 27 degrees below zero.” The national folks also like to report on places like International Falls, Minn, and Gangrene, N.D.
They’ll never tell you what the temperature is a few miles down the road in a place like Presque Isle or over to Fort Fairfield because a name like Caribou sounds so much colder than those other names. French names never sound cold.
Although it hasn’t happened yet, I expect in a month or two, a neighbor will ask the obligatory, “Cold enough for ya?”
How do you answer a numb question like that? What can you say? Are they doing this just for me?
If you have friends who have fled Maine to join the hot, sweaty masses of malcontented northerners in Florida, you can expect to hear from them anytime soon.
They always say they only called to ask how you are, but you know they wouldn’t waste time calling to inquire about your health. In fact, they called to make you feel bad by complaining to you that the temperature at their overcrowded trailer park is a cool 81 degrees but it’s sunny and they expect to go to the beach later. You end the call by yelling a clever Down East-type quip, while slamming down the phone.
That’s when it pays to know your facts about the earth’s poles. You can mention that Florida is nearer the South Pole, which is always colder than the North Pole. And even though it’s summer at the South Pole, the temperature never gets above zero and summer storms can bring gusty, 200 mph winds. Some say those winds might eventually reach Florida and West Palm may replace Caribou with the weather guys.
Oh, and the reason the North Pole – the one we’re nearest to – is so much warmer than the South Pole is because the North Pole has thinner ice that floats on the balmy waters of the Arctic Ocean.
The South Pole consists of mile-thick ice that sits on a very large, cold, granite mountain.
Just knowing that makes me feel better about winter in Maine.
John McDonald is the author of “A Moose and a Lobster Walk into a Bar,” “Down the road a piece,” “The Maine Dictionary” and “Nothin’ but Puffins.” Contact him at Mainestoryteller@yahoo.com.
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