A teenage dance form – grinding – has recently been under discussion in local school boards. It is described as “a dance in which the boy’s pelvis is thrust against the girl’s buttocks.” Really?
Over the strenuous objections of many teens, several boards recently moved to forbid any such goings on. Grinding is no longer to be considered “permissive social behavior.” Such use of young people’s lower regions has joined with “hooking up” (another adolescent activity to be discussed later) as behavior rejected by the authorities.
Grinding seems to have replaced same-sex marriage as a topic of interest.
Whatever.
At the coffee shop seminar last week, Lucius Flatley thought that some history and background were worthwhile. He began with that iconic sex researcher of a few decades ago, Alfred Kinsey, who said that the acme of male sexual ability is around age 16, a lofty peak from which a steady and inevitable decline occurs. Lucius noted that many 30-year-old professional athletes seem reluctant to accept that premise – or at least, are still casting a wide carnal net for any female minnows excited by notoriety.
On the other hand, the female, according to the same researcher, has a different schedule – sexual inclination cresting some years later. This finding also is rejected by many folks in Appalachia and Utah – where some seem to feel that age 12 is optimum for a bride. Contrary to these minority opinions, if the female is in fact relatively slower in the field of sex during the teen years, then the boy would seem to be the chief beneficiary of grinding.
On the part of the girl, could grinding therefore be accepted simply as method to secure masculine approval?
Grinding cannot be all bad. In fact, it may have value. Grinding has the potential of elevating young males to a rapturous state, which might protect them from the hemp plant. Since marijuana inspires lassitude, dope smoking and grinding would seem to be mutually exclusive. While a young man is grinding his pelvis against a young lady’s buttocks, his mind is sure to be at some distance from lethargy. Therefore, grinding might be considered a method of discouraging drug use.
Further, as a vigorous exercise, grinding provides benefits to the circulatory system and invigoration of the heart/lung complex – a marked improvement over tobacco or TV couch time.
Beyond that, there is the modern world in which, along with attention disorder and Ritalin, the more or less constant proximity of teenagers is recommended. Many psychiatrists believe that gender mixing is necessary to ease the vicissitudes of passage through youth’s formative years. Same-sex schools are discouraged; socialization in heterosexual society is desirable. What is more fitting in such “school of life” than grinding?
At least Grinding 101 should be offered in freshman-year college.
On the other hand, avatars of behavior, fundamentalist tea party-ers and Fox News analysts – among whom sex seems to take place mostly in e-mails or men’s rooms – all charge that teenage concupiscence is the work of the devil. If they are correct, and the Rapture really is imminent, young grinders are therefore perilously close to a slippery slope at the bottom of which burns eternal flame.
Nevertheless, at the critical peak of 16 years, most teenage boys would cheerfully slide down that slope, simply as a growth experience.
And finally, the same people who look forward the Rapture argue that sexual episodes are limited and that profligacy in teen years steals a non-replaceable number of performances intended for later use. According to his school of thought, nature provides only so many bites at the sexual apple
Grinders, beware. School boards – hang in there.
Devil’s Dictionary Definition of the Week
Egotist: A person of low taste; more interested in himself than in me.
Rodney Quinn, a former Maine secretary of state, lives in Gorham. He can be reached at rquinn@maine.rr.com.
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