Lindsay and Mark Schuenke started thinking like parents the day they learned she was pregnant with their first child.
For the next 241 days, the couple from Biddeford Pool anticipated all of the things that their child might accomplish over the course of a long life. First step. First word. High school graduation. Wedding day.
Then, suddenly, the Schuenkes’ expectation and joy turned to tragedy and despair. Their full-term baby boy was born still. The umbilical cord had entered the birth canal first and been crushed in the early hours of labor, depriving the baby of oxygen.
“It was a bizarre experience,” said Lindsay Schuenke. “There’s nothing like it in life, to be expecting so much joy and to be faced with such devastation.”
Two years later, the Schuenkes are trying to turn their tragedy into comfort and hope for thousands of Maine families who have experienced the loss of a child during pregnancy or within the first year of life.
They have organized a bonfire and candlelight vigil for Friday evening at Biddeford Pool Beach. It will be part of the International Wave of Light, recognizing Oct. 15 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
The Schuenks also have organized the first Noah’s Walk for Remembrance and Hope, to be held Saturday morning in downtown Biddeford. Named after the baby they lost, the 2.5-mile walk is designed to increase public awareness, encourage grieving families to seek support, and raise money for research and family support programs.
A large mural including photographs of lost babies will be displayed at both events.
The Schuenkes’ effort is part of a growing national movement to recognize the suffering that families experience when they lose a pregnancy or infant. For years, that suffering wasn’t openly acknowledged, often because people were uncomfortable talking about it.
Attitudes started changing in 1988, when President Ronald Reagan designated October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Now, all 50 states have annual proclamations recognizing a loss that affects about 1 million U.S. families each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Last year, the Maine Legislature passed a law that allows parents to get a birth certificate for a stillborn baby if the mother was at least 20 weeks into the pregnancy.
The bill was sponsored by state Sen. Nancy Sullivan, D-Biddeford, and proposed by the Schuenkes and Katherine O’Connor, a registered nurse at Southern Maine Medical Center in Biddeford.
O’Connor, who is a lactation consultant, met the Schuenkes after their baby was stillborn. She developed a deep bond with the couple, in part because Lindsay Schuenke pumped her breast milk for five months so it could be used by babies in need.
O’Connor encouraged the Schuenkes to pursue the birth-certificate legislation and seek other ways to increase public awareness of pregnancy and infant loss. Lindsay Schuenke is a conference planner. Mark Schuenke is a medical school professor at the University of New England.
In particular, O’Connor and the Schuenkes believe that York County needs a support group for families. The nearest support group meets twice monthly at Maine Medical Center in Portland.
“I see the need all the time,” O’Connor said. “Families grieve in silence and sometimes never come to terms with their loss.”
People outside a grieving family may be reluctant to talk about the loss, but family members do want to talk about it, O’Connor said.
Simply acknowledging the loss and offering condolences is a good start. Never suggest that having another baby might help the grieving parents forget, which is what someone said to Lindsay Schuenke’s mother.
The Schuenkes will never forget Noah James Schuenke, who was born still on Sept. 16, 2008. Not even after the birth of his brother, Asher James Schuenke, on Jan. 31 of this year.
They named him Asher, which means happy or blessed in Hebrew, Lindsay Schuenke said. They chose James as his middle name so he would share something with his brother. They also learned that Noah means peace in Hebrew, which seems appropriate, given their mission in starting Noah’s Walk for Remembrance and Hope.
“Our goal is to try to find ways to bring other people peace,” Schuenke said, “and to find peace for ourselves.”
Send questions/comments to the editors.
