According to the media, the country is in the midst of a recession – and while recovery is occurring, the national nose is, and has been for some time, barely above the water of poverty. According to all accounts, “Hard Times” are upon us.
Lucius Flatley, well-known economist, remembered earlier “Hard Times” when frugality was widespread – a sense of thrift he didn’t sense today. He wondered if age had degraded his memory – or if the “Hard Times” of today are somehow different.
The national headlines set him off.
The hopes of General Motors are pinned, according to corporate press reports, on the Volt, a new electric car whose cost begins at 42 thousand bucks. The fact that it seats only four people and runs out of juice after one trip to the Fryeburg Fair seemed to him to be of dubious benefit. What about the Model T that was delivered in any color the buyer wished – as long as it was black – and cost less than 500 bucks?
He noted that the money spent on Mideast wars would provide a job paying $50,000 a year for every one of the 15 million unemployed – yielding an unemployment rate of zero – with $200 billion left over to build railroads, highways and bridges.
He noted that the government is currently paying enough for one soldier per year in Afghanistan to hire 17 school teachers.
Nonplussed, he decided to take a look at “Hard Times” here in Maine’s largest metropolitan area.
And came away confused.
The first thing that startled him was the news that Willie Nelson – a guitar player famous for not carrying a tune – easily filled the largest hall in Portland at 50 bucks a pop. Furthermore, such a sellout turned out to be quite frequent – happening every few weeks as various entertainers visited the Forest City. Where, he wondered, did all those music fans (whose average age was certainly well over 50) find that kind of money for an evening of entertainment? He incidentally noted that Willie stayed in one of Portland’s several new hotels that start at $250 a night – and wondered if there are really enough visitors to make these hostelries profitable.
He was further concerned by reports that Phish – a group of music makers – sold out the 8,000 seat Augusta facility at 60 simoleons a seat – in advance! Since the age spectrum of Phish fans is in the 30s, between them and Willie, we have both ends of the economic spectrum in play.
He turned to the restaurant scene. Portland’s five-star restaurants (where dinner with wine for two spoils a Ben Franklin) all seem to be doing well. In fact, a couple of new ones have opened recently. Apparently they are patronized largely by such people as Portland lawyers, Maine Turnpike Authority staff members and assorted Cape Elizabeth millionaires holding fundraisers for their very own governor.
Even common folk here in Maine indulge in unnecessary food expenditures. McDonald’s restaurants are aimed and merchandized largely at children – but it still costs $8 to feed a kid (versus a buck for p.b. and jelly sandwiches).
Among food expenditures he also discovered a plethora of “handi” stores – 7-Elevens, gas stations – whose basic purpose seems to be to serve lunch to working men at an average cost of $11 – versus a brown bag at $2.50. He wondered whatever happened to the working man’s “lunch pail.”
Pleasure boats have long been a distinguishing characteristic of money-to-spare leisure. If times were really hard the boat market should be down. Right? In fact of matter, he discovered that there is not a boat mooring to be had anywhere within a day’s drive of Portland. Many marinas will not even accept waiting lists.
Lucius concluded the survey with a look at the current “diva” craze that has cluttered up the daily newspaper in recent weeks. He said his Funk and Wagnall’s defines “diva” as “a prima donna – lat: a goddess.” It seems therefore to be a desirable goal for women who have been cast down by “hard times” and who need to convince themselves that there is joy in their lives. Well enough – but the route to divahood seems to be the drinking of imaginative martinis known as “Divatinis” and flogged by bars and restaurants all over greater Portland.
At a typical cost of $7 per “tini”.
Cheers!
Devil’s Dictionary definition of the week: A penny saved is a penny to be squandered.
Rodney Quinn, a former Maine secretary of state, lives in Gorham. He can be reached at rquinn@maine.rr.com.
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