Many people today say that the institution of marriage is on the decline. Maybe it’s not the institution of marriage, only the institution of the lifelong relationship that is on the decline.

Marcia Taylor and Bennett Thompson of Scarborough give credence to the idea that marriage doesn’t have anything to do with it. They’ve been together for 17 years and have pledged their lives to each other. They’re partners in life together. Meanwhile, they’re not married and have no plans to get married.

“It’s about the relationship, can the relationship make it,” says Taylor. “Can you get married? Yes. Do you have to? No.”

Taylor would know. She’s been married twice before. She has a child from her first husband. But those relationships didn’t work out. And as far as she’s concerned, Thompson is the love of her life.

“He is my soul mate,” she says.

Taylor, originally from Vermont, is retired from the telecommunications industry. Thompson, 11 years her younger, is originally from Connecticut and is about five or so years away from retiring from the same industry. The couple met while working at the same company here in Maine, became friends, and then developed a relationship. They’ve lived together in the home that they jointly own here in Maine for most of their 17 years together.

Taylor and Thompson met after Taylor had already been divorced a second time. At that point in her life she had no desire to get married again. Her daughter Lisa was in college, and Lisa was the focus of her life. After a couple years together Thompson, who had never been married before, asked Taylor to marry him. She said no. It wasn’t right for her at the time.

Since then, the couple has thought about whether they should get married every now and again. Taylor would urge Thompson to marry her, and Thompson, switching directions, has wavered. “Ben would get cold feet, and we’d say, ‘Why do we need to do this?'” said Taylor.

Again and again they’ve come to the decision that it doesn’t matter for them. They’re very happy together, which is evident spending time with them. Their families treat them as if they were married. They’re totally committed to each other. The only thing that could have changed that was if they had had children together, which they didn’t. They just have two cats, Johnny and Boutros.

“If we had kids, it would be a different story, I think,” said Thompson.

As far as their families are concerned, the couple is married. Taylor’s nephews and nieces call Thompson “Uncle Ben” and vice versa. “From the family perspective, there’s no question,” said Thompson. “We’re together.”

In decisions regarding one another’s health, they and not other family members have control, both emotionally and legally through medical proxy. About the only thing different about the two and a married couple is the legal benefits married couples have. By law, marriage guarantees a certain amount of legal rights. In the event of a death, for instance, the spouse is the natural inheritor of the joint estate. Taylor and Thompson have taken care of that, though.

The couple said they’ve taken three key steps to secure their legal status how they want it. One, they’ve given each other power over health decisions for each other through medical proxy. Two, they’ve written their wills. (At least, Taylor has. Thompson said he’s working on it.) Three, at least Thompson has filled out life or accidental death insurance forms at his work so that Taylor is the recipient of benefits.

As far as taxes go, the couple pays fewer taxes by filing separately single as opposed to jointly married. And because common law marriage is not a recognized institution in Maine, they don’t have to worry about the state marrying them without their consent.

The only thing that they have a problem with is what people call relationships such as theirs. “They need to come up with a new name for us,” said Taylor. “Significant other? Where the heck did that come from?”

The other difference between the couple and most other married couples is confusion over last names. Sometimes it’s “Mr. Taylor” or “Mrs. Thompson.”

Friends and neighbors also give them a little good-natured ribbing about getting married.

“There’s a lot of joking,” says Thompson.

Marcel Lacroix, a long-time friend from Quebec, stays in Scarborough every summer in a house near theirs. When he sees them, without fail, he says he has his tux with him and he’s ready for the wedding.

But they don’t mind. They’re happy. And they’re not concerned about changing.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” says Thompson.

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