It’s taken me several years to be able to sleep late (well, until 7:30 a.m. anyway) without feeling guilty. This morning, I was so comfy, under several quilts and dreaming about the carefree days of living in Boston, when I awoke to a conversation being held right in my own room. Someone was yelling. I know the cats, who sometimes sidle up onto the bed, can’t really talk and if they could, I don’t think it would be the profanity I was hearing.

So I turned the light on – then seeing no one – turned it off and still, I could hear this shouting. Pulling the curtain aside, I saw that it was still dark, about 6:30 a.m., and the source of this early-morning interruption was a kid, probably waiting for a bus, yelling into his cell phone, and stomping back and forth near the corner of my lawn.

I’ll bet he really needs that cell phone. Probably has lots of important calls to make/receive during the high school day. Who would he be talking to at that time of day? Why the colorful language? Who was his audience?

Stunned and almost awake, I moved to the kitchen table and my coffee and contemplated the total silence. No cars, the bus had picked up the neighborhood megaphone, and neither the furnace nor the refrigerator was running. Totally quiet.

I got to thinking about cell phones and how their presence increases conversations, some of which I’m sure are totally unnecessary. It’s not our fault. Someone keeps inventing these things we think we need. Some of us lived a long time – and well – without them.

There have been lots of jokes in the past about women drivers putting on makeup while driving and the danger of this, but I swear nothing is more dangerous than talking on a cell phone while driving. I have seen more people ignoring the stop sign where the access road from Wal-Mart comes into the Shaw’s parking lot. Ninety percent of the time, they have one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on their ear. Probably not enhancing acoustics, but gabbing away.

In the grocery checkout line, people get inane calls and responses are nearly always something like “I’m at the grocery store.” I expect as they leave the store, and the phone rings again, they’ll say “I’m in the parking lot.” Tell me these conversations are essential.

As for this morning’s wake up call, I can only hope that one of these dark winter mornings, while that kid is venting at the corner, one of the sheriff’s vehicles will squeal up Route 115 with the siren on high screech. I can predict the comment: “What was that, dude?” His cell phone will be busy for the entire day as he relays this event to his cronies.

If I had some money to invest, it would be in hearing aids. Our future society will definitely have hearing loss, but will feel no stigma wearing a hearing aid. They’re quite used to plugging up their ears with today’s technology and by the sounds of youth, they definitely like to talk loudly. Or better still, yell. And swear.

I’m going to turn off the phone, and go quietly to my corner of the table now. See you next week.

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