It seems logical to me that Maine likes to be first in the nation. First to see the rising sun, first in its tax burden and first in the nation having a governor visit Cuba. Maine should be first with the Oscars so let’s not beat around the bush (no pun intended) and get to the Oscar presentations for 2006. Any complaints and I’ll find a use for Jackass: The Movie!
For the category, “Best Actor in a Film,” the Oscar winner is our President for his roles in several films to include The Sum of All Fears, Catch Me If You Can, and Careful, He Might Hear You. Our Vice President won the Oscar for “Best Supporting Actor” in All The President’s Men, Disturbing Behavior and Wag the Dog. Both the President and Vice President won an Oscar for “Best Live Action Short Film” in Beavis and Butt-head Do America or was that Ted Kennedy and Al Gore? Rep. Tom DeLay won the Oscar for “Best Director” in Don’t Call Me a Con Man and Gone with the Wind.
Maine also has a list of Oscar winners. Our governor won an Oscar for “Best Foreign Language Film” in Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. He also won an Oscar in “Best Documentary Feature” for How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Not to be outdone, Dirigo Health won best direction in a comedy with If You Give a Pig a Party, Analyze This and One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (which I wanted to use in several places).
For the Democrats like Rep. Joanne Twomey who tend to switch party affiliations every other month, I present the Oscar for “Best Actor in a Political Documentary” in films such as Mutiny on the Bounty, The Caine Mutiny and Any Which Way You Can.
An Oscar should be given for “Worst Director in a Film about Maine’s Top Political Parties. How about The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, or A Fistful of Dollars?
For Oscars in Windham, the Planning Board won an Oscar hands down in The Yes Men and The Agony and the Ecstasy. We should also pass out an Oscar for the School Board for their performances in Are You Being Served and The Awful Truth. Even the Town Council won Oscars for their performance in The Big Sleep and The Day the Earth Stood Still, although I think they should have won for It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World or The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
All the above Oscars are just in fun. This next one isn’t. Recently my wife accompanied her mother in her annual snowbird migration to Georgia. The trip down went just fine so one can best believe the return trip was a total disaster. To the airline which deserves Oscars for “Worst Actor, Director and Anything Else,” here’s to your performances in Scarface: The Shame of the Nation and Trouble in Paradise but not for The Wizard of Oz (at least Alice returned home). My wife deserves an Oscar for appearing in Lost in Space.
My wife also made two collect calls from the Atlanta Airport. For two collect calls, both less than 3 minutes we received a phone bill for $53.97 which included $23.40 for each call plus other charges. So to the phone company who receives payment for scalping its customers, I present Oscars for your performances in How to Steal a Million, Crimes and Misdemeanors and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” -Winston Churchill
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