Ever since I was a young boy my dream was to someday own a Cadillac. The model, color and year were of no consequence. Recently, I was able to purchase my dream machine, a 1980 baby blue, four-door, nineteen-and-a-half-foot-long behemoth that could plow through an armada of foreign-built rice rockets and knock down any tree that stood in its way.
I finally have a vehicle that I can watch over with care and affection in order to be able to drive in style on a beautiful afternoon. Surely I would name her Miss Daisy. Then, of course, comes the nightmare on Gray Road.
One might believe that every driver would have the common sense to figure out that an automobile nearly 20 feet long cannot make a 90-degree turn at 50 mph but with my luck I ended up with a fool who also figures that a 2-ton vehicle can stop on a dime and spit change.
The first of three incidents happened when a vehicle just ahead of me was making a left turn. The assumption of the driver behind me was that I could drive into the mud and sand in the breakdown lane while maintaining a speed of 40 mph. One should never assume, if you get the point.
After noticing that the hood of the car behind me was practically in Miss Daisy’s trunk my blood pressure rose to the limit. Now we are proceeding at the speed limit of 50 mph when I notice a bicyclist on my side of the road. I have to suppose that some drivers would slow down to ensure that they squeeze between an oncoming dump truck and a cyclist on their side of street but once again the fickle finger of fate decrees that the driver behind once again wants to make an impression on Miss Daisy’s behind.
Finally we get to the spot where I must make a 90 degree right turn into my driveway. I hit the right turn signal and begin slowing down Miss Daisy while the man with two brains behind me once again wants to shove me out of the way while showing me the number of friends he has. At this point even Miss Daisy’s rear end is cringing. I certainly wish that this was the only time for such an occurrence but it’s getting to be the norm nowadays.
It’s getting to the point that any intersection with a stop sign or traffic light is a hazard to one’s health. I see not only a right turn on red without stopping but also left turn on red. One suggestion has been to install cameras that catch scofflaws when they run red lights. However, the cost of installation along with enforcement procedures has to be ironed out first because a simple way to avoid detection would be to remove the rear license plate and claim it was stolen.
Then come the speeders and the passers who really have no clue about life and the way they endanger the lives of others. Criminal speeders should be locked away for life in a Chinese prison performing slave labor.
I must confess that people sure can discover new and amazing ways to pass other vehicles. Whether it’s on the left, the right, on a corner or on the crest of a hill certainly doesn’t light any bulb between their ears. I don’t know if it’s as simple as many people oversleep so they rush to work, or if it is just the continuation of a lack of morals that permeates our state today. I’ll leave the discussion about the state of the criminal justice system till later, if later comes.
Meanwhile, it’s approaching hibernation time for Miss Daisy. I must locate a den for her winter’s sleep where she can remain high and dry during those long winter months. I only wish that I could do the same.
“If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.”- Robert Cringely
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